Thursday, July 31, 2014

BETTY HUTTON AND HER DAUGHTERS




It seems very hard to be a celebrity. There is no personal life when the spotlight is shining on you 24/7. I am not sure how a celebrity can even be a parent with that constant public glare. One of the classic stars that never quite was considered a "good" parent was blonde bombsell Betty Hutton.

There's not a lot of public detail about the rift between Betty Hutton and her three daughters, but its existence is undeniable. In an interview in 1974, the actress indicated her dissatisfaction with family:

"My marriages have not been happy, my children didn't bring me happiness, nothing has brought me true happiness until I discovered Catholicism," she said.

At that time, Hutton was 53. Her eldest daughters, from her first marriage, were 27 and 28. Her third daughter, from her fourth, long-dissolved marriage, was 13.

In that same interview, Hutton said that before her contact with the church, no one had loved her unless she "bought" them. "So I bought everybody," she said.

Hutton didn't have great role models. Her father abandoned the family when she was a toddler. Her mother was an alcoholic who sold homemade beer to speakeasies during Prohibition. As young girls, Hutton and her sister helped support the family by singing for bar customers. She quit school in ninth grade but kept singing and was hired as a vocalist for a big band. She then made her way into the movie industry and became a star.

Hutton made about two dozen pictures and is best remembered for her role as legendary marks woman Annie Oakley in the 1950 film version of  Annie Get Your Gun. However she struggled with an addiction to pills and alcohol...and with relationships. All four marriages ended in divorce. During one of Betty's many comebacks, she appeared with her daughters on television in the late 1970s and early 1980s.

"My husbands all fell in love with Betty Hutton," she once said. "None of them fell in love with me."Hutton died of colon cancer in 2007 at age 86. Reportedly, none of her daughters sought to attend her funeral.

I contacted the Betty Hutton Estate, and they did not answer as to the whereabouts of her daughters. They simply said "They are still alive and deserve their privacy. When one intrudes on their privacy then you run into the subject of lawsuits and litigation." It is kind of an odd statement to make when one is just seeking out information to get with any of Betty Hutton's daughters to get their side of the story. If anyone knows of their whereabouts, please contact me...



70 comments:

  1. Children can be unforgiving...tragic for them. To forgive is to grow up. Don't pass this legacy on to your children

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    1. Well stated.

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    2. All three of Betty's daughters were estranged from her. All of them couldn't have been wrong.

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    3. So very very true.. It takes tremendous MATURITY TO FORGIVE....She was an alienated,estranged mom..with a broken heart no doubt..as she lost not one, but three daughters..THAT,I feel, caused her breakdown.

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    4. Betty sounded very broken hearted & while she had her issues, who doesn't? Her children need healing as Betty did. No doubt Betty's own mother had issues, because in the 20's & 30's, it was especially difficult to be a single parent. Ms. Hutton was likely overwhelmed & grieving with no provider & spouse to help raise their family. It is difficulty anytime being a single parent. The lack of compassion((seemingly) is a great loss for the daughters of Betty & Betty sounds like she was very discouraged about happiness, which no doubt drove her to comedy. At last a place of happiness.
      A very sad state for all concerned. Given the chance I bet Betty could have been a good Mom. I am sure she loved them all, but we will not know her full story. I will say, I love her movies, loved her fun personality & it is just sad when the only love one can find is is in a receptive audience as an entertainer. Rip Betty & thanks for the fun movies & your quirky & complex personality.

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    5. I love Betty, she had this amazing energy. With this she brought love and joy to all. She was so talented. She had a tough, childhood, and carried that in her heart. Her daughters should have tried harder...

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    6. I do hope her daughters will someday think about her and forgive her for not being there since she had some problems in her life which was challenging. RIP Betty - A big fan of Betty

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  2. SAD THAT IN HER LAST DAYS SHE HAD NO ONE...NO WAIT...SHE HAD LET GOD IN HER LIFE...SO SHE WAS NOT ALONE....

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  3. Bennett SilversteinMarch 17, 2017 at 9:44 PM

    Shame on her daughters. She really needed and wanted them. But, trooper that she was, she overcame alcohol and pill dependencies to become a better person. And if they couldn't be there to support her, she had no choice but to do it herself with the help of the Lord. Let's hear it for Betty Hutton.

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    1. I'm with you Bennett. We've all had issues with our childhoods, parents, etc., but to have held that kind of grudge, to not even attend their own mother's funeral, indeed, shame on them.

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    2. That is so disrespectful...and disgusting...

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    3. I heard they were resentful because she spent all HER money on herself and her ex. They had plenty griwi g up. Ungrateful brats.

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    4. Why should the blame for not contacting their mother or attending her funeral be placed on her children.
      If she’d of been a descent / caring / loving parent tas she should of been then she would of had a relationship with her.
      They were clearly better off without their mother & in honesty she deserved their abandonment from her..

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    5. How about we don't stand in judgement fo an actress no longer with us OR her 3 daughters that did not have a relationship with their mother? Who knows what the reasons were for the estrangement. I for one am saddened for each of the 4 of them and wish there had been a happier resolution.

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    6. Betty Hutton made me laugh and happy as a child. Then I saw interviews she gave about her struggles with fame, alcohol, and pills. She was broken by these, and most of all the loss of the love and affection of her daughters. It was clear she had great remorse about this. She had been saved by her Faith and hoped it would lead her back to her daughters. It didn't. That is really sad for all of them. I think she had mental health problems, and often this is misunderstood by children. They have to be taught to show compassion. Pushing her away and then not understanding why she wasn't there is a great loss. Sometimes people do put their careers and relationships before their children. It's too bad there wasn't healing. This seems to happen often with celebrity children, unless there is a great deal of money to be inherited. She didn't have any left to buy affection or love as she said she did. It's never about that. It's about love, and forgiveness. I once had a man quote a movie when I asked why he never said he was sorry. He said love is never having to say you're sorry. No, in loving relationships, we must always ask forgiveness and make amends. No one human in this world is perfect. Love is admitting wrong doing and doing better. Hanging onto grudges and blame leads to nothing but separation and loss.

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    7. Absolutely amen! So true. Sad they couldn’t put aside their feelings enough to love their mother, sounds like they were spoiled brats. Money can’t buy love only momentary affection to get what you want.

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  4. Yes..sometimes family breaks your heart. It's a betrayal that is black as coal.

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  5. I just finished watching private screenings with Betty Hutton on TCM and have a new appreciation for her life and career rest in peace Betty!

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    1. Ditto lovely lady sad life god bless her sweet heart

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    2. She was A great person with love ..my heart gos out to her girl s Rev Michael Allbright

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  6. Betty Hutton was heartbreaking and enchanting in her interview with Robert Osborne, which I just saw as a TCM tribute to them both. Her estate website is a gorgeous and dignified memorial.

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  7. I saw the Betty Hutton interview tonight on TCM done with Robert Osbourne. I had seen it 12 years ago when it first came out. I thought was a genuine, honest and caring woman. She was still dynamic. Her ability to overcome pills/alcohol and finding God/Jesus is admirable. In Annie Get your Gun, she is a real dynamo. I remember Bernadette Peters performed in this 20 years ago on Broadway. Betty was even better than Bernadette -hard to believe considering how great Bernadette was.
    Today's young people dont know who Betty Hutton is. What a shame her daughters couldnt forgive her.

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    1. Sometimes you can forgive a parent but that doesn't mean you want to spend time with her. A difficult person to get along with is just that, "difficult" and it can be an enormous strain to be in toxic company.

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    2. Betty wasn’t difficult at her own funeral. The women could have made an attempt at closure for themselves.

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  8. Sad you only get one Mother

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    1. Sometimes your mother who ever she was was not a good mother.

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    2. It's really sad when the one mother that they got put them through hell on earth because of addictions instead of loving and caring for them. As the daughter of two abusive alcoholics, I can tell you that until my mother died when I was 57 years old all I wanted was for her to love me and to take some responsibility for the abuse. I’m willing to bet that that is what Betty’s children wanted, too but it sounds like it didn’t happen. I think that growing up in that environment causes PTSD which can cause damage for the remainder of your life. Sometimes you don't want to be reminded of the cause.

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    3. Betty was a true star. Much like Sammy Davis Jr. they started at a very young age and were total show business. That’s all they knew. She is right about one thing for sure, an artist has no business trying to live a normal day in day out life. You have to be selfish, your craft has to take priority over everything. Most people have no idea what an artist goes through. Self doubt, depression, anxiety, and yet you have to go on. That’s your job.

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  9. Shame on her daughters?? As the author points out, we don't know what their family life was like. But we do know Hutton struggled with drugs and alcohol. My late mother had that struggle as well. I tried so many ways to help her and be close to her. In return I got lies, disappointment and pain. A person can only take so much before they take steps to protect themselves. Screw you for condemning the daughters. All parents have a responsibility to be there for their kids, the kids don't have a responsibility to be there even it hurts them. To bad god couldn't be there for those 3 girls. I like Hutton but finding faith didn't absolve your past.

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    1. Since we do not know what happened between them, it is not fair to blame either Hutton or her daughters. Hutton probably didn't have a great role model in her own mother, and might have thought she was doing the right thing at that time. The sad thing is, that she had tried to reconcile with them, but it seems they had too much bitterness. When your parent is old and dying, it is time to make amends. And YES, a child does have a responsibility to be there at death. My mother was not a good parent - and I was very angry at her. But when she was dying of breast and brain cancer, i took her into my home and cared for her until she died. She may have not been the greatest parent, but she was my mother and I did love her.

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    2. You have learned true empathy, love, and forgiveness in your very thoughtful response to you less than great mom. Humanity, maturity and joy are fulfilled when one shows their ability to look beyond their own personal feelings. Sadly, these girls may even live without regret. I cannot imagine what kind of "role models" they have been to their own children and grandchildren. Holding on to negative feeling when someone is dying cannot be good for the eternal soul. Many of us had less than stellar parents, but, we take care of them when they are dying. We work with them as they decline into dementia. We do this because we are human beings. No one, not even ourselves are perfect by any stretch of the imagination. Some, worse than others. No matter what, we are human beings who have thought and conscious. We can make decisions and sometimes it's going to be better than our own parents have done with us.
      May Betty Hutton Rest in Peace ... May her children learn to forgive her and, themselves.

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    3. I agree. It's was a sad situation for all concerned.
      Betty didn't blame her daughters and neither should anyone else. With the trauma that addiction brings into a family, the children can choose to love a parent in their heart, but may need to distance themselves from further harm and a downward spiral from a very troubled parent. Forgiveness must have healthy boundaries. ~

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    4. I am wondering who helped raise Betty Hutton's three daughters. Were their fathers there for them? I hope they were guided by someone who loved them, since it doesn't sound like Betty was there.

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  10. This was the woman who said in an interview "My children didn't bring me happiness" when her youngest daughter was just 13 years old. Remarks like that can kill the last lingering shreds of affection a child has toward an absent and shaky parent. I just watched the interview with Robert Osborn that replayed on the movie channel last night. Hutton as an old woman was bubbly, pious, unfiltered, but seemingly lacking in self-awareness of her part in her own misfortune and estrangements. Children estranged from a parent always, always have a valid point of view, even when reconciliation is possible. Hutton came across as incapable of recognizing or acknowledging any point of view but her own.

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  11. I saw the Hutton interview last night on the Osborne tribute. She seemed like a loving, caring woman, so much so I thought it showed up in her screen persona, in the many clips Robert played. I find it very sad and disturbing she was apparently unable to give that very love to her daughters. So strange, and perplexing.

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  12. Betty Hutton's plight reminds something my Grandfather used to say about my Dad (my grandfather's son in law). He would say that my Dad "is his own worst enemy". That was Betty Hutton.

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  13. You cannot say Betty Hutton was her own enemy; she was a star and a human being. Robert would not have liked her so much if she was a bad person. We all make mistakes but it is those we learn from. She found God and he forgave her for whatever was wrong. Her daughters need to do the same. It is too late for them to ask for her forgiveness. However, maybe they can turn there forgiveness into helping someone else who is going through the same thing and teach their children to love their grandmother. If it wasn't for Betty they wouldn't be here.

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    1. Basically what I am saying is Betty Hutton created a lot of her own pain and problems.

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    2. I wonder if Betty asked her children for forgiveness. And I don't mean the kind that says "if I did anything to hurt you, when if was drinking (or drugging or whatever else) I am sorry". The "if" clause should be left off otherwise it's not sincere. And when an alcoholic gets sober it doesn't mean that they change and become nice people. I know this from experience. It takes a lot more than AA. It can also mean ACOA (adult children of alcoholics) treatment to learn how the children were affected. My mother was never really aware of what her and my father's addiction did to us. I did take care of her when she got cancer but I wasn't there when she died. I have to say that when she was sick she was the nicest I had ever seen her. I thank God for the chance to see that side of her.

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    3. Love your comment..well said.

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  14. Nobody knows us as well as our own spouses and children. Nobody else sees us at our weakest and worst, over and over. Not our friends, not our co-workers, not our neighbors, not our more-distant relatives. They just don't know us well enough to know our crazy. When everyone in the world loves someone but their own kids can't stand them, I tend to give credence to the ones who lived with them, who heard the yelling and felt the blows, who got farmed out to be cared for by others, sometimes for months or years at a time. Parental frailties are forgivable, we parents had better hope so, but parental violence or neglect the parent never acknowledges or atones for: not so much. The people closest to the situation need to do what they need to do for their own safety and mental well-being. Sometimes that means cutting a toxic parent out of one's life. Strangers won't understand, but it's not their call and they shouldn't judge.

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    1. I couldn’t have said it better myself, if her own children didn’t attend her funeral the chances are it was because of the way she treated them and no one else has the right to judge them for it!

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  15. What a tragedy. From the little we can know about their lives together, it seems clear that she was certainly far from an ideal mother (the ice-cold statement that included her 13 year-old daughter was particularly reprehensible) - but I know that if my estranged elderly mother made an honest attempt at reconciliation, I'd gladly accept.

    When your mother is gone, the hole in your life will never be completely filled again. To allow a mother - even a failed one - to slip away without forgiving will hurt the bitter children even more because they're the ones who must live with it...

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    1. You don't have to be an ideal parent to get love and caring from your children. We parents do uncountable wretched things to the detriment of our own children, because we're subject to human frailty. Failed parents can reconcile if their children are generous and resilient enough to manage their part. The parents who can't reconcile are the ones who can't acknowledge their failures. Betty Hutton couldn't acknowledge her own failures as a parent, as a spouse, as a member of the acting community. At the end of her life she was still castigating fellow cast members for failing to applaud her performance 40 years earlier at the end of a filming sequence! Ego gone amok with a slick veneer of religion was all the interview revealed to me. A religion, by the way, that worships a supreme being who forgives only those who confess and atone.

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    2. NB Forrest, I think the operant phrase in your sentence is "honest attempt." That is what might have been missing from any attempt Hutton ever made at having relationships with her adult daughters. To be honest means to acknowledge your own part in the hot mess that can lead to estrangement. From what I heard in that interview, she ascribed her daughters' distance to their own unreasonable selfishness, to their supposed fear of having to care for her in her old age. The interviewer tried, gently, to press. To get her to say what she might do differently if she had it to do all over again. If she'd gone for it then, he might have been able to broker a reconciliation. But she wouldn't budge. She was in the right, and that was that. If one of my kids was in pain because of something I'd said, or done, or failed to say or do, my first priority would be to alleviate their pain, whether I honestly thought I'd acted carelessly or not. But Hutton didn't have that capability, as maybe your mother doesn't either. Some people go immediately into survival mode whenever someone suggests they might have played a part in it themselves. What the adult children need is to protect themselves from more pain inflicted by the person who is supposed to be there for them, who is supposed to be their safe spot, not their horror show.

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  16. I agree with Joan Kennedy. How sad for Hutton's children. How tragic that their mother would not accept any responsibility for the estrangement of her children. It appears that Betty Hutton was devoid of empathy, blinded by narcissism and consumed with insecurities created, in large part I suppose, by the absence of a loving mother and father. The circle continues...

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  17. If you read her autobiography, Betty took care of her mother even though her herself was a child. She would go from bar to bar to find her and then drag her home. She and her sister watched as the parties at home turned into a free for all and could see her drunken mother having sex with anonymous men. Yet she took care of her mother to the very end. It's true we don't know what the real truth behind the estrangement was but in the end you need to make amends before it's too late. No matter what anyone says, those daughters will regret what they "didn't" do before their mother died.

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  18. i think joan kennedy is way too condemning of betty hutton...unless you walk in someone's shoes you can't know what pain they have..it seems obvious .betty had a difficult childhood and was making bad decisions because she hadn't learned how to be in a difficult world....her daughters will find no peace unless they can find it in their hearts to forgive their mother..

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  19. It is sad her and her daughter's couldn't make amends before her death but don't think anyone should come down on her or daughter's. No one knows what happened between the Even her interview, remember she was actress she could come across how she wanted to. Sad sad I hate that they all had unhappy life together

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    1. I think it's disgusting those three daughters let their own Mother die with a torn heart...They will someday die themselves with a hole in their heart....Joey

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  20. This speaks volumes about my own family, to be honest. Even though my grandmother sacrificed everything for her five children, one shut her out without so much as an afterthought. I look at these movie stars and see what they’ve said or done to their children—and realize my grandmother was a damn saint. She wasn’t perfect, none of us are, but she was pure in her love for her kids. I don’t know if Betty loved herself enough to love anyone else.

    I spent close to fifteen years watching my grandmother try to make amends with her child, only to be slapped away over and over again. No one lives forever. When she passed in her sleep in our home, unexpectedly, it was still unresolved. But that’s not my problem, or my parent’s, who sacrificed all that time to care for my grandmother. Now, I get to watch his own kids screw up and do to him what he did to my grandmother. Karma’s a bitch and so am I.

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  21. I saw the Betty Hutton interview on TCM, when it first aired. Knowing first hand, from one of the countless people who tried to help her, what a delusional, self-centered egotist she could be, seeing her decades later was just more of the same. She never took any responsibility for the grief she had caused herself and others, instead, whining that the cast of ''Annie Get Your Gun'' hated her. That is just one example. There are people who have had horrible role models, but rose above the chaos and misery to become fine human beings. Betty Hutton chose to be a professional victim to the end. There are enough stories told by her peers in Hollywood to more than suggest that she cared for nobody but herself. She may have gotten away with that while she was riding high and making big money, but it caught up with her before long. Her daughter were probably trying to avoid any more heartache at her hands. And, in the end, she got precisely what she deserver.

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    1. Hi Phil, I would love to hear more stories from you. If you would like, please feel free to email me at davidlobosco@yahoo.com.

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    2. Phil,

      You aren't the only one who got that impression. I thought she was somewhat deranged in that interview, and it was all about her and how she had been wronged by husbands etc... I always felt sorry for her to an extent, but these relationships with her children that didn't work out, they had obviously tried a couple of times to reconcile with her, it must have been painful knowing the past they had with her, but in the end they made a choice. Everyone should respect their privacy and move on, if they ever choose to tell their story then we will have their point of view and experiences.

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  22. David, I sent you an email about Betty‘s daughters.

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  23. I had no idea who Betty was until I accidentally was listening to satellite radio in my car. She did an interview with Lucille Ball, it was when her girls were little they were sitting in her home. You can hear her girls running around & her dog barking . She said her priority was her children & her husband . She loved to work & wanted to work but she wanted to make sure her daughters had their mom home . She seemed like an amazing wife & mom. I never heard if her because I am 53 yrs old , I was only listening because I heard Lucille Ball & I loved her .

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  24. Anyone have any contact with Betty's daughters? I would love to have a chat with them.

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  25. Sounds like she was a real pill to live with. All three daughters could not have been wrong.

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  26. Robert Wagner shares some interesting memories of Betty Hutton and her interactions with film crews in his entertaining book "I Loved Her in the Movies". Hutton is remembered as being very, very unlikable.

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  27. Joe Wagster: I think it is disgusting the daughters did not honor their Mother. Shame on them

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    1. I think it is disgusting the mother did not honor her daughters. Three adult women possibly with children of their own (thus who would know exactly what estrangement would mean if they were in her shoes) vs one person who was apparently known to be unpleasant and gave a public interview clearly stating having children didn't make her happy? Would your mother have done that to you?

      As many here have noted, no one is owed fealty simply by dint of being related to you; that's a trap and an old-fashioned way of thinking that causes nothing but misery. The most loving thing you can do for yourself in life is to let go of relationships with people that hurt you, even if you love them very much, or love who they could have been, or love the version of them you needed but never received.

      Remember these were daughters from different times and different marriages, one raised as essentially an only child. As they say, what is the common denominator here? You can care about someone but not enable them. It's important to remember we are not others; we cannot live their lives, nor know their experiences. Betty Hutton can be deserving of empathy, but she can also be deserving of the impact of choices she may have made. I admire any child who is able to overcome the stigma (shown in this comment section!) of dissociating from a parent for the health and safety of themselves and their families. I doubt it is ever a decision made lightly, and I give deep respect to those who have had to navigate that grief.

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    2. It never ceases to amaze me when people judge others without having ALL the facts. Since none of us have any idea what those poor girls went through as a result of their mother's addictions and absences it really behooves us to keep our judgements and advice to ourselves. In watching the TCN interview and the stories she related about her own childhood it was plain that Betty Hutton was damaged in her early years. Just because someone is seen to be a "survivor" doesn't mean they survived intact. Betty Hutton's pain is over now and I sincerely hope that her children have found peace and contentment in their lives. It sounded as though their mother found hers in the church and I hope that is true. I don't think there are any villains in this story. Just a lot of injured souls looking for love and acceptance.

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    3. Very well said.

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  28. I have just watched an interview where she was reunited with her daughters after 10 years . She admitted she was the one who told them to get out . They were all happy at the time but it obviously didn't last. She was all about being adored . She just kept taking over. I could see why it didnt last. She was full of herself.

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  29. Betty most like exhausted herself making movies to support husband/ family, as well as her mother. Movie studios worked female actors really hard in the 30's/40's. If Betty was distant, she could have been suffering from over sensory stimulation. Sounds like she was on the spectrum, as she was hyper-active. It appears it was hard for her to process/interpret feelings of others (a symptom of autism). It was difficult her to process things that weren't part of a routine, or adverse behavior from others, which traumatized her even 40 years later as it was magnified (due to being on the spectrum). RIP Betty

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  30. She was a great lady Rev Michael

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  31. Hollywood may have had good intentions starting out but the devil got in there early. Not many survive the industry in tact. I'm sure Bette had many many regrets. Her daughters I am sure will find their own peace.

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